During his show last Thursday, Stephen Colbert decided he wanted to do his “Midnight Confessions.”

He began by issuing a standard disclaimer which went as follows, “I don’t know if these are technically sins, but I do feel bad about them. Forgive me audience.”

Some of the “technical sins” ol’ Colbert there confessed to were using Jesus in order to drive in the carpool lane, entering a “Stephen Colbert look-alike contest,” and telling his “bitch” that he loves her more than he loves his wife.

And for those of y’all wondering, the “bitch” is his dog.

Take a gander down below to see Stephen Colbert’s “Midnight Confessions.”